one more thing…
Cold and Flu Symptoms – Sinus Infection Symptoms – Natural AntiVirals: “Air trapped within a blocked sinus, along with pus or other secretions, may cause pressure on the sinus wall. The result is the sometimes intense pain of a sinus attack. Similarly, when air is prevented from entering a paranasal sinus by a swollen membrane at the opening, a vacuum can be created that also causes pain.”
*The “BlogThis” extension for Firefox rocks.
Know your four sinus cavities (they are holes in your head):
Frontal sinuses: over the eyes in the brow area
Maxillary sinuses: inside each cheekbone
Ethmoid sinuses: just behind the bridge of the nose and between the eyes
Sphenoid sinuses: behind the ethmoids in the upper region of the nose and behind the eyes”
my sphenoid and ethmoid sinuses are infected. they are perhaps the most irritating and uncomforable bodily malfunctions i’ve experieced.
must not
mys not
my snot is a deep opaque pus colour. it is thick and sticky and adheres to your nose, airway, nasal caivty like alien slime in some sci-fi flick.
my balance is fukt and i keep coming close to falling over.
non-stop pain all around my eyes and temples and jaw and top of head.
Several days of mucous flow from my sinuses down my trachea in to my lungs… i get sudden moments where my windpipe seals shut and i have to cough myself back to breath. Like cystic fibrosis kids…. i feel for them now.
I’m sure you don’t give a fuck… but fuck you, it’s my blog. go have fun making your own web presence.
I had a spiritual experience.
Rotated
down a foreign axis
uncomfortable deliverance to something of an
unmistakably and pivotal shift of perspective.
Awareness and honest wisdom
the mother to myself.
fallen now and tangled up in
my unacquainted version.
Finally i experienced something new.
From that experience, whatever it was, I still am aware of a moment of self-realization i experienced unlike anything felt before;
I saw as clearly as a simple thought, that my memorable history in life had been lived in a singular, narrow perspective.
i gained awareness of parallel perspectives of time, all happening simultaneously and equally accessible, but only one accessible at one time.
Bands of fluid colour, like ribbons coloured and visually distinguishable flew through the air before me, around the heads of the others in the room and i marveled at their intricacy and profoundness.
I first became aware that my past and current state of awareness is but one perspective and as dynamic beings, we are able to alter and change this awareness thereby affecting our entire basis upon which we view, judge, interact, evaluate, love, hate, act and live in this collective virus called existence.
After becoming aware of this i felt insecure,
as if i had been in a trance or a voodoo spell my entire life.
Unable to see the world differently because the perspective
by which the world was received had not changed.
That the world could potentially become a positive place,
if i altered my mind to see it as such.
There i was, thinking all very deeply
about the unearthed truth of my life’s stale perspective
and my inability to use my head to change my head
because my head is my head and that would be like
an eyeball trying to look at itself.
I was sure that to alter my perspective – to achieve a complete psychic overhaul, i most certainly could not render this action on myself with my own power.
But what came over me was a rapid transition to an alternate awareness.
I thought maybe this was just an epiphany… That’s what i told myself at first anyway. Rarely do random moments of understanding have such strong effects and deep consequences.
As of now, what i still retain from this experience about three days ago is the belief that the mind governing this body through which i exercise the manifestations of that mind is itself not dependable, not stable and that no thought, no idea is too “wild a fantasy” to possibly have some truth. i think instead now that perhaps nothing can not exist if i can believe it to exist. that a new awareness becomes a new awareness simply the moment i become aware of it. it certainly would seem that in this intricate and intricately designed channeling of mind and spiritual powers especially where the two cross could not be a product of input from the person affected, but instead seems much more plausible that there is in fact a omnipotent intangible network of governing bodies, laws, beings (or whatever other term applies to your particular experience) directing our minds state of consciousness, awareness and perception.
Perhaps beyond this awaits a genuine spiritual connection and freedom from the slavery which my mind has not the power to see out of.
you love me. you care for me. you provide all that i need. you are all-wise. i trust you. you believe in me. you are strong and protect me. you are motivated. yo give me motivation. you are sensitive to my emotions. you are creative. you are artistic. you are brave. you are respectful of me. you have shown courage that is rare. your scope and definition is infinite. you are good looking. you are proud of me. you can comfort me. by you i am entertained and never bored. you are hip. you inspire me. you fuel my creativity and through creative expression you fuel me. i see you everywhere all the time. you have empathy for my every worry. you listen well. you are interested in me. you “have it all together”. you are hot. you are a bad-ass. you have experience. you are talented. you are famous. you are rich. you are well respected. i would consider you a genius. you are dark and light. you are positive. you excel at everything you do. you have no follies, fears or handicaps. you have been and are helpful to me. you are satisfied. you are confident.
like you,
like this,
I strive
and pray
to become.
when i am you
you will be me.
Blogger was broken for a week and then after that kind of fell out of touch. To those who actually check my blog – sorry for the lapse in time.
The new A Perfect Circle album is really good. Makes me want to make music again.
Looking for a live-in studio space in Gastown or the Lower Eastside. Needs to be expansive and inexpensive. Trying to make art and music and design in a two bedroom appartment has had it’s day. Need more space to fly.
My external hard drive gave up the ghost. Superblock is fucked and there goes 6 months of data from school, recording and other projects. Feels kind of refreshing to wipe away the past and only concern myself with what lies ahead – namely, designing some things worthy of inclusion in a portfolio project due sometime in April 2005.
Blue candycanes are good. Remind me of being a child and eating those candycane-like candy sticks sold in glass jars, the highlight of going shopping with my mom.
Found a stash on a BCIT server of 197 movies and most importantly, thirty episodes of Twin Peaks with Swedish subtitles.
Auditioned today at a cast call for an upcoming BC reality show called Kick Butt…. following the chronicles of 5 people trying to quit smoking. I think I will be in it. The chances are high. oh yeah – i guess i have to try to quit smoking if i get on. shit….
i’m starting to piss myself off…
again.
i wanted to run away with you.
we both have always dreamed that
in a tropical climate away from here
we could be happy – be together.
but here stays the same
regardless of time or space.
and always when it bores me
my perspective convinces me to stay.
i spin in circles.
find comfort in the predictability
of spirals + spiralling.
Up early on a Saturday. It’s my mom’s birthday today. Having lunch with the whole fam. Gotta go pickup a cake and flowers before i go.
B slept over last night. I miss sleeping with someone. She looks so healthy and gorgeous. Couldn’t stop touching her skin.
Got the new Prodigy album at “the store”. When i listened to it before it sounded really comercialized. I guess it sort of is, but a few of the tracks are tight.
exerpts from my talk with Cube…
i never have anything to say to people.
cause they usually don’t understand.
need to meet more drug addicted, computer obsessed people.
all i ever have to talk about is how shitty i really feel or how to do X in whatever language i’m working with… ActionScript, Lingo and lately,MySQL and PHP.
yeah. i mean… well, it’s complicated. i’m sure i’ll write about it in my blog.
I was at my old room-mate’s house a few days ago and found this looking through our old pictures… just reminiscing… i wonder what happened to that hat.
Spent all night reading an article on PHP & MySQL. Installed MySQL server on my PowerBook and after setting a root password got myself locked out…
Smoked a bunch of cigarettes, ate some cookies.
Tomorrow night, B gets out of treatment for the weekend and she’s coming here to stay over. Super excited to see her. Haven’t gotten laid since she went in. Gonna fuck like bunnies in Spring…. if that’s when they fuck a lot. Who knows?
Listening to a lot of Aesop Rock lately. wicked wicked.