I was sworn in to the Canadian Forces about four weeks ago (march 23). My official swearing-in ceremony followed two weeks later. Carrie has been less than enthusiasitc about the whole husband-in-the-army senario. I can sense her fear. I don’t think she’s there yet, at the point of realizing her fears around it, and not yet ready to face them. I understand and accept her fears. How can she not associate the army with war and war with the inevitable death of her husband and loss of her love – to have to raise our child alone. I would be terrified too if I were so uninformed and out of touch with what my feelings are towards it.
I just watched The Devil Came On Horseback, a fim about the genocide in Darfur. Sure I play a lot of violent first-person shooter video games, and sure I have spent my entire life virtually role-playing and glorifying war. While I can’t deny that this had a part in my enrolment in the army, when I search my heart I can attest that the major reason I joined up was to be of service in the truest and most noble sense I can fathom – to sacrifice my self for my fellow man and to protect those more vulnerable than me from the threats that be. That is it – plane and simple. When I imagine myself on a deployment or tour, I know it would only be right if it were that. It is for this reason that I cannot support the engagment in Afghanistan. There was no atrocity there before western forces attacked. Sure, there was oppression but there was no genocide. And it is not obvious to me that we are there to stop the oppression of women. No, we are there for selfish reasons. To be brutish and take. I do not support that kind of conflict. However, show me a cause where I can protect the vulnerable, those that are being slaghtered and cannot protect themselves and I say I have a duty as a man, as a warrior, as a human to help that person. Just as Carrie voluntarily chooses to help people when they are having the worst day of their life – when they are cut up, broken and mangled, I too want to get in to the dirt, I am not afraid of the harshness, the ugly, the crazy or the scary. This is my advantage and this is what I can offer the world. Carrie doesn’t want to lose me, and I don’t blame her. But right here right now, I say it’s selfish of her not to let me, as a tool, help others that may need me. And right now, what that looks like is preparing myself to be an effective soldier. I need to complete BMQ, complete SQ, complete DP-1 and DP-2, get in to Recce Squadron, so that when the opportunity arrises, I am ready and able to help my fellow man. Cause I am already willing.