After a long day for both of us, after dinner debriefing.

C starts talking about next week plans when we are both working

N we will make it work, I’ll be home when you aren’t

C starts reciting from their phone verbally the schedule for next week, that they already had texted me earlier today.

N I need to write it down, I can’t understand it verbally.

C rage. Well just read it in the calendar then it’s in there. Ya know what?…. Rage. Mocks me in a big dumb idiot voice “I don’t understand it I need everything written down”. Shuts down, gets angry, storms off, goes to bedroom

Rest of night putting kids down is short tempered, cold.

My reaction to the initial rage is hurt, shock, feeling abandoned, betrayal, loneliness. Inability to reconcile until it’s on her terms when she wants to. Until then she’s completely shut off. 

Then I react by withdrawing, not wanting to be around it, scared of being yelled at, not wanting to fight.

I really rarely want to fight with her. It’s no fun, what would be the point? It’s a zero sum game. It’s a trap.