today was a good day. i needed one. the week prior was shitty. full of shit. had trouble getting up every morning. saw no point in anything. work was long and bullshit. all cause i really missed one person. funny that. two awesome rehearsals last week. i think we’re ready for some shows. i know i am. super excited for the show on friday. doors open at 8pm. we’ll probably go on at 9 or 9:30. it’s going to sell out for sure, so i am told. my first real show playing a lead part in a rock band and it’s going to be infront of a sizeable audience. spent all of saturday night, from 7pm to 7am painting a backdrop for our show. it’s 12 feet tall and 15 feet wide. a big graphic of an anatomical heart with our band name across it in a romantic scripty font. I ran in to Maddy on the street outside Lick and she came back to the studio to help me paint and hang out. it was so fucking nice seeing her. it was like a weight was lifted. nothing happened. no hanky panky. no inuendos. no flirting. we were just hanging out and i honestly enjoyed her company. and i cared what she had to say. and i cared about her.
maybe i just need unatached sex. Abra made that suggestion to me tonight and it I agreed. I think that really is what i need. friendship and nsa sex every once in a while.
i was watching this porn called triple stacked where a guy is fucking three chicks at one time that all are acting like they are loving it and are totally in to him and each other. it went through my head that this is my fantasy. but the reality of it makes me sick.
all the female energy in my life. i have dreams of drowning in menstrual blood.
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