woke up

its the middle of the night and i’m super glad i’m not still at the club dancing but instead have just woken up. 🙂 even though i was in bed before 11, i was having trouble getting to sleep. and then i must have fallen asleep cause i was having horrible dreams. really graphic, quasi-nightmarish dreams about dying animals and bad food and fear. well, i guess it was not so much my fear that i recall as much as my exposure to frightening situations and while feeling scared not being overly fearful. i like the sound of that, actually.
so i woke up and woke up thinking that i had never even fallen asleep until i started remembering my dreams – indicators that i was in fact asleep. then i checked the time – 1:15am. 5 more hours till I get up for work. i made the decision to change my alarm clocks from 5:15 to 6:02 given that I do in fact not have good enough ingredients for making omelletes and that i have a truck to get me to work now.
i feel much better nowafter just a few hours of sleep. i was having kind of a shizen afternoon yesterday. nothing incredibly heartbreaking. just me feeling emotional and tired that resulted in me reacting to life in some pretty self-absorbed ways. but ya know, it worked out, i think. i think yesterday was an okay day in hindsight. and right now, i feel much more energetic. in a few hours perhaps i shall feel even better, even less in bondage (not the good kind, ;)) maybe even tapped in to the communal consciousness, maybe even ready to see what i can pack in to the stream of life.
ya know, that last shit i just said? that’s really what i want more of out of life. it’s totally what i want everyday of my life. I’ve had glimpses. And i find i usally only find it when i get out of the city, change my environment and my perspective changes as well. i like that. infact i love it. but those glimpses are only that. I don’t mean to sound mellowdramatic or depressive but i really strive to have those things in my daily life and i rarely achieve it.