introspection

there’s a lot that i wanted to say to you. i just kept writing it out and deleting it. I’m so tired of feeling exhausted. I’m so tired of the people around me telling me my logic is insane. my emotions are not logical at all, it’s true.

there’s so much i want to say, but i am speechless.

i want you in my arms. i want to ask you how your day was. i want to fuck you.

you’re there, probably thinking of me. I’m here, thinking of you. I wish i hadn’t told you not to talk to me. it’s making me want you all the more.

when i saw you today i was in shock. i didn’t know what to do. i wanted to hug you. i wanted to just be normal with you. i wanted for us to just be us and not have this pretext of us avoiding one another.

if i was telling you all this you’d probably want me to rationalize it. “but this is not what you said you wanted two weeks ago.” “but i thought you didn’t want me.”

well… i have no rational explanation. i think i am crazy. i think i just want to shut up. i just would want you to say, “come over, we’re going to have fun.”