and then i remember, I’ve only known her for two days over two weeks. And then i tell myself to not anticipate too much, to not expect anything, and to really be careful where I’m throwing my heart.
i asked her if i could tell her something and for her to not say anything in reply. she nodded. i said, “i like that you are stable, that you have your shit together. you’re solid and it’s really nice being with someone who is wholesome.” she said nothing and we just gazed at each other in the static glow of the paused tv. when we look at each other we look at each other plainly, no drama, no front, no facade. blank right to the core. we sometimes just look at each other like that for minutes, not saying a word, nothing verbal, nothing nonverbal. is it telepathy? are we having a conversation? it oftentimes feels like it. i like it. it’s comforting. there is a quiet in that gaze. a stillness besets me like an all consuming sedation enshrouded in the freedom of a field’s morning dew. forever once, and never always. i will not be sentimental like that. the future is never so i will let this pass. knowing it is forever always there i need not be wistful. i need not be sentimental before i die.
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