paralyzed
all i can do right now is sit here and chainsmoke Marlboro Reds.
i don’t really know what to do about this.
i know that my feelings are hurt.
that i’ve been lied to.
that i deceived myself in to believing something was there when it was not.
happy i have tomorrow off work. gonna sleep a lot and rock the fuck out with rob. play guitars really really fucking loud and break shit. i wanna break shit. i wanna do anything i can to forget about her cause when i think about her, yeah it’s all fine until the innevitable dagger comes and rips my heart out of my chest. i can’t let myself give up that power.
she’s in a different place than you. you were there once too. sometimes you lapse back there. it’s a place of using other people, getting their attention and admiration and using their love to make myself feel good. but i wear thru people like tissues and then toss them. leave the gate open but go hunting for the next one. i know the game. i hate the game. i don’t need to play it. talk to me again when you actually love me.
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