Excerpts from an email to Lorea, reprinted for purposes of record keeping…
It made me really happy to hear how you’re “all about me right now”. But really, I’m not that surprised. I feel like you and I are really connected on a deep level right now, and I actually trust you – which is a hard thing for me, and I’m kinda shocked writing it cause it’s true and i have trouble trusting people. But I do. I trust you entirely. The whole time I was on my trip I didn’t once have a jealous thought about you… I totally trust you cause I know you love me, and I love you. You said you haven’t talked to any guys down there for more than like 30 seconds… I’m the same… I’m so in to you, it’s insane… There was all these girls walking around, i mean there was 1500 young sober people at this conference, all at the hotel, and there was all these Cali girls walking around and I didn’t fucking care at all… I saw them and all i could think about was you and how fucking awesome you are and how they can’t even possibly compare to you. I just felt so “taken”. I felt so “unavailable”. ANd it was awesome. It was empowering to know that I didnt have to spend my whole weekend trying to get approval/attention/sex from all these other people cause I feel so satisifed thinking about you. A few times I went up to my hotel room and took out the stack of photos you gave me and spread them all out on the bed and just gazed at you and talked to you and then kissed the photo of you in your green fuzzy sweater and then pretended to lick your back in the super hot one of you with your back all arched and wet. It was nice to remember you by. Sitting at the pool, i wanted you with me. Walking around San Fran, I wanted you with me. I would even imagine what you would say in certain situations. Haha. Is it crazy to be having internal conversations with you when you’re not there? kind of Norman Bates style… We’ll eventually get around to travelling together and i think we’ll have an awesome time.
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