geographical

The other thing: I am thinking of moving. I like my apartment accept for three things: (1) It is small (2) I share a bathroom (3) I share a bathroom with an insane german man.

I want more space, er, possibilities to say, watch a movie on a couch, make art, make a mess, play bass really loud. To be creatively expressive.

Sharing a bathroom is fucking disgusting. It’s a gross bathroom to begin with, combined with thinking about the gross dude’s bathroom activities and the remnants of such that I have to clean up, or more often than not, choose not to clean up.

He is insane. He is disgusting. He yells, but not anymore cause I got the landlord to tell him to stop being such a twat or else he would have to go to the mental health board. for real. power is being more sane, or atleast able to control when I yell obscenities, or atleast being able to sick the authorities on the insane.

Pete’s place is a viable option. His roomies are all splitting, so i figure he’ll be looking for new ones. I like his place. It’s comfy, for the most part. He has a studio, which is the nice thing. I can set up my drums and play them whenever. I can record and make music. I will have ceiling height and space to make art. I will be living in Gastown again, which is convenient, but not homey – not homey like 7th and Carolina is with it’s view and trees and park and nice people out walking their nice dogs in their nice coats on a nice sunday.

Gonna think a little more about it. Wish i didn’t have to, but i do.

Oh the other thing… I had this thought yesterday. I was at Devitt’s house, and we were fucking around on his computer and my the topic of my sickness came up, and i mentioned how I’ve been badly sick three times since the beginning of december, which i thought was a lot for me. I was thinking outloud saying, “what the fuck is up with my immune system? it’s shitting the bed.” and then I said jokingly, “maybe I have the HIV” and then I got thinking…. What if i did have the HIV. then I asked myself, if I knew my time on this earth was super limited like that, what would I be doing differently? what came to mind first was, I would take all my savings and move to somewhere hot. my second thought was, I would not be moping around waiting for life to happen. I would not be living in a one bedroom apartment. Since that thought about my life being limited my whole perception has sort of reflected that dire mode… A part of me that would have held back and go cautiously died. A part of me that presses urgency and importance grew stronger. Life is short. I’ve almost been sober a year, and it’s gone by so fast. Before I know it my twenties will be gone and I’ll be thirty. I feel an urgency to get living and get things done. I think maybe this is a trend for me, a feeling of urgency preceded by a period of dark depression, the urgency resurrecting me from my sedated depression to go out and forge new directions. Or maybe not. I’ll check back later.