Things progressed from my last post. My throat became completely covered in those white puss ulcers and when they come off they bleed. So my throat became a pus-covered, bleeding pile of shit. I was prescribed a bunch of shit, none of which worked, except the Empracets. The empracets were good. I kept a very routined injestion habit of them for a few days. Two caps every 4 hours. For about 5 days. Sometimes the pain was so great even after leaving the second hour. then i would take a nap so i would not have to feel the pain. I’d wake up at the four hour mark and slam another two caps and feel okay enough to sip some green tea, all the while my mom nagging me that i need to eat something. When your throat has open bleeding sores and you have to struggle through a rigorous pill-taking regiment to even sip water, it is pretty unfathomable to think of trying to eat anything. Nevertheless, i managed to eat something like a bowl of apple sauce and a bowl of yoghurt everyday for the past week. That’s basicaly all i’ve eaten. Yesterday I experimented eating solid food for the first time in 9 days. it was some chicken and some baked potato. I seemed to be able to choke it down if i chewed it really well and chased every bite with green tea. Green tea is really my saviour in all this. Seems to be the only thing aside from sleep and empracets that gives me any relief.
Speaking of empracets – I’m off them now. I took my last one Wednesday night. I stopped taking them on my own behalf. My mom was freaking out about them since I got them prescribed. At first she said, “If they prescribe you codeine, I don’t think you should take them.” To which I thought, “You have no idea how much fucking misery I am in right now.” She kept bringing it up everyday since monday, saying, “You should get off those pain pills, they scare me. They’re very addictive, you know.” I knew it was scaring her and it kind of annoyed me that it scared her. I was never in to those kinds of downers. Not to say that i couldn’t get in to them. I probably would have gladly abused them previously in my life. I probably would have at one point latched on to them, given a solid supply and an environment conducive to taking them. So why didn’t I latch on to them? I had a bottle of 40 and then another bottle of 30. I only took maybe 8 of the second bottle, and the rest are still at my parent’s house. Surely I could have devised a scheme to sneak a few away. Surely I could have manipulated the doctors in to giving me a scrip that only I knew about and then have it filled in secrecy and pop away. I could have. But I didn’t want to. I guess I just saw these pills as a doctor’s order, and to not abuse it. I saw the danger for what it was, a warning of what could happen if i do not heed the warning. Also, the codeine was seriously killing my libido and i really want to have sex with my girlfriend.
Jeff, liking what you’re writing lately. You have a beautiful mind.
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