The Sphere

I took my stitches out. They were really bothering me so I figured it was time for them to go. There’s still a really gnarly scar which may take some time to completely close up. In other flesh-wound news, I discovered an abscess on a finger on my right hand this morning when i woke up. I suppose the skin had healed over a sliver which turned in to an infection sub-dermally which resulted in the abscess. I was pretty ashamed of it when I discovered it because a large part of me feels that abscesses are preventable and are the sort of thing that Main-Hastings junkies get, not me. Good thing my mom is a nurse, that has really paid off over the years, she always knows what to do to take care of anything.

I have been sick for the past few days. Intense fever, really swollen glands, sore throat and a really intense headache. My body is really sore too, but I think that’s from staying in bed for 36 hours straight. My fever is probably the most concerning. I am sweating constantly, soaking through my clothes regularly and if i’m not bundled up in clothes I am shivering because I am so cold, even though I’m still sweating. My mom is more concerned that I am. She pointed out that this is the third time I have been sick with a high fever since the beginning of december. I don’t know what that means exactly, other that that my immune system is seriously shittin the bed the last two months.

My one definite spiritual experience happened when I had a high fever. The conditions were similar to this. I was 10 years old, hit with a high fever and was bed-ridden for days. My mom had tucked me in her bed so she could look after me and I remember the comfort of her King-size bed and melting away in to the gigantic pillows. My temperature was high, and I was not eating. I was in and out of sleep for days and would only get up to pee. Somewhere between being awake and being asleep I hallucinated a vision that I remember clearly to this day. This vision was so powerful that I would call it a spiritual experience, because it was so powerful not just visually but emotionally as well. In the darkness of this vision I saw a Sphere. The Sphere’s size was indetermined because there was nothing to compare it to. It was just a Sphere, and all around it blackness, like the blackness of space, a vaccuum containing nothing. The Sphere in the center of this void was in fact the exact opposite of the vaccuum of space, it was everything. Nothing was not the Sphere and everything was a part of it. Its mass was infinite, but its size obscure as previously mentioned. The mass of the Sphere was so great and I felt so connected to the mass of the Sphere, as though it were directly affecting me, like a weight upon me, crushing everything in me, or atleast with the capacity to do so effortlessly. The Sphere was spinning at a tremendous rate. It rotated with the precision of an electron as it orbits around its neutron. Radiating off the surface of the Sphere was a very hot heat. A heat as intense as the sun. The mass, the rotation and the heat. I had the feeling that anything that touched the Sphere would be destroyed, completely anhialated instantly. The surface of the Sphere was metallic. That said, The Sphere was not a mechanical object, but i do believe it was an intelligent being.I need to exentuate that the vision I had of the sphere was just as emotional as it was visual, so that I could have seen nothing of the Sphere and still known its presence. I felt a great deal of fear, Holy trembling fear. The sweat dripping from my forehead and neck felt as a direct result of the Sphere altering me. I could hear screaming, but screams that were so suddenly silenced by the magnitude of the Sphere that they were never wearisome. I simply understood that the Sphere was to end the world. I’ve analyzed this dream/vision/hallucination quite a bit since I had it. It could have been a vision of what dying feels like, or maybe what it feels like to be dead. Or maybe I witnessed the end of the world, when we are all so efficiently wiped from existence. I have found another person who has shared my vision. It happened to him in an eerily identical situation. He was young, about 8 or 9. He was experiencing a high-fever and was bed-ridden. He described to me seeing a sphere, which he has named The Egg. WE described back and forth to each other the feelings we felt during that vision and the coincidence of similarity in our experience is truly remarkable. But not a lot can be done about it really. As profound as an experience it was to me at that time and still is today, what can i really do about it now? While I can remember clearly the way I felt during that experience it is hard to really give that experience much weight today. What was the Sphere trying to tell me? I don’t know.