10+1

Lately whenever I get hungry, or skip a meal within a few hours I start to behave and feel very peculiar. I feel sketchy, almost exactly like the effects of sleep dep, about day two. I feel really anxious, I’m easily annoyed, I’m inpatient, my head and neck become sore and I actually have mild visual hallucinations. I am making more of an effort to constantly keep my hunger and need for water in check.

I have made every dinner at home for the past week. I also took a lunch to work on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. I am quite proud of my quick adjustment to eating out less.

I quit smoking 10 days ago. I don’t really think about it first thing when I wake up anymore. I more want water when I first wake up now. I get some pretty intense cravings a couple times during the day, but nothing I haven’t been able to conquer. So… no drugs. no booze. no nicotine. It’s pretty wild. I feel pretty straight. I was at a party last night and everyone was getting shit faced. There was a big no-label jug of moonshine on the island in the kitchen and everyone was taking shots off it. Everyone kept asking me, “Have you had the moonshine yet?… You gotta try the moonshine… Here, i’ll pour you a shot… I’ll do a shot with you…” They seemed totally unable to conceive of the idea that I don’t drink any alcohol whatsoever. I kept telling them, “no thanks, I’m really alright.” or telling them straight up that I don’t drink but that just meant they tried all the harder to convince me that this moonshine is so good that I really must try it. I am positive I was the only non-intoxicated person there and I was pretty alright with it. I didn’t envy them at all. They all looked quite ridiculous actually. They couldn’t walk very well, their eyes were all lazy, I witnessed two people fall right over and hit the ground and all the while they thought that I was the abnormal one. HA! Whatever. I don’t miss that at all, and the more time I get since my last drink the further away from that life I want to get.

I got 10 months + 1 week yesterday.

The following week is the strangest week for me of the whole year. I hate it. I have my birthday tomorrow, and Christmas 6 days later. It’s a fucking dreadful time of year. I hate celebrations when the point of what is being celebrated is completely lost in the festivities themselves. I think maybe i just prefer the quieter life, the life more alone.