+++

I think i had an okay day. My days are enrobed in an eternal sadness and misery, but there are moments where i can reflect back on the day, like today and say that overall I did good today. That today I did more good for myself and others than harm. That I was an active participant in my life. That I wasn’t holed up in some basement suite killing myself in a slow isolation.

Worked a satisfying 9 hours, came home and talked to my good friend who’s in England doing her masters. She gave me a good recipe for chicken fried rice. went to the store, got the ingredients. met up with my friend and we cam back to my place and I made us chicken fried rice whilst he learned to play Battlefield 2. Afterwards, went downstairs to give JR her MP3 player, but decided i wanted to be around Anna for a while. I was feeling really in need of physical closeness. I wanted to cuddle with her, but i thought asking would be weird. JR came in an hour later with Leah. I cuddled with JR for a bit then went home.
I think it was okay that I wanted that physical attention in that moment. I don’t think that is something i need to think about changing.

I did some financial assessment of my earning and spending and realized just how much i actually spend on eating out every month. It’s atrocious and it is stopping beginning with dinner. No more eating out dinner everyday. Once a week is okay for now. Lunches will soon follow.