My problem

My problem with dealing with life lies in this…
Drugs are really an attraction to me. I liked their effects. At least, it seems to my sober mind that I like their effects. My problem is trying to stay sober. Getting sober was a decision I made and had made many times before that. Staying sober is the hard part for me. Reason doesn’t work on it sometimes. Sometimes, all the reasons in the world can’t stop the overpowering desire to get high. I fear that desire. I fear it because it means loss of so much to me that I’ve built up again this last 7 months sober. But even fear doesn’t work. Sometimes fear will do the opposite and drive me towards dope even stronger. So this is my problem: Complete lack of control over when I will use again. That is my problem.