I felt like more of a person, like I had more substance when I was making art. I know I’ll always have an artistic mind, but like faith, art without action is dead. I’m still known by a lot of peeps only as “nokin”. When they call me that I know I’ve left somewhat of a legacy, but I feel dead inside cause I’m not producing anything. Making public art was good for me cause it gave me a feeling of accomplishment, worth and the feeling that people could see a part of my insides and tell me they liked what they saw.
I hate myself for not making art.
Self-loathing is so boring to me. But when I’m in it it’s so all consuming, i feel the need to embrace it to acknoledge it and hopefully take the power out of it. But then again, that attitude is so self-righteous and healthy it pisses me off. Fuck everything. Sorry this blog isn’t brightening up your fucking day.
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