It’s only wednesday and this week already feels long. Insulated a basement sweet on 29th and Puget. Fibreglass itches and hurts my eyes. Started a reno today on a store on Granville Mall, to be another vintage clothing store owned by my friend, Craig. He is very very successful at what he has done and has been financially rewarded. There is some jealousy but mostly admiration for his hard work and talent in running businesses.
There’s been a big rage the past few days over the Lotto 6/49 lottery across Canada. I’ve never seriously gambled before. I’ve always strictly thought of it as a total waste of money and a stupidity tax for people that can’t do math. I still feel this way. Nonetheless I threw my money away and bought 9 tickets today an hour before the lottery closed. The draw is sometime right now. I’m in the fog about it, really, having never played before. $40 million would be fucking cool, but i’m not holding my breath.
What else?….
I need a holiday soon. I want to go somewhere hot and play on the beach. Walk around foreign places. See foreign faces. Experience new things. I want to surf again. It was fun.
I feel like my life is getting smaller. That my mind is jammed in, closed, uninspired. It’s been a long and steady decline to this depressing place that I am in. I’m not at the point of wishing i was dead., but the thought occurs. I just wish for a disaster. A flood, a hurricane, an earthquake to shake everything up, to give me something to be consumed by. A girlfriend would do the trick too. Everyone I talk to tells me I could get a girlfriend if I want one. But I feel so undesireable. So impossible to react with. The whole idea of “getting a girlfriend” isn’t what I want anyway. Like “getting a jug of milk” from the store. No. I want love. And i have love from some of the people in my life. But still this longing for things to not be as they are. Just to have something, a thought, an idea something to happen in my brain. I feel a change in my brain is underway and I don’t know what the final plan is. It’s fucking annoying.
Gonna go steal cable tv tonight. Free cable, yay. Not cause I can’t afford to pay for it legally. But because I would enjoy it so much more, knowing that I worked around it. Plus I enjoy the thrill of doing things I’m not supposed to.
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