Work. Work. Work.

Worked somewhere between 90 and 100 hours in the last 9 days. 9 days and today is my first day off. I truly never thought I had the capacity to commit to a job and show up week after week. Past girlfriends I always admired because it seems they always had full-time jobs. They always worked and I waited around everyday to see them. It was like a post-nuclear family role-reversal. But now I can hardly believe that I, the fuck-up am working as much as I am. I don’t mind it. Work takes up some good sizeable chunks of my day which I would otherwise squander away.

Listening to Lou Reed’s Berlin.

I have carpal tunnel syndrome. I hadn’t had any symptoms all week till this morning. I woke up because my hand/wrist on my right side was numb and throbbing. An hour after waking up it still is. Physical injuries and illnesses are so all-encompassing and demobilizing. It’s frustrating not being able to rely on my body. The first day on the island at work I came down with a horrible flu. Felt like I was gonna pass out, ached all over and swollen glands. 18 hours in bed, sweating it out.

I dreamed about you last night again. I dream about you in total more than anyone else in total, i think. It was one of the recurring themes in dreams involving you. It’s more about the feeling that I get being with you than anything we are doing or where we are. You and I are bestest friends, like I imagine we were in the beginning, like around that time when we went hiking in Manning Park, or the time we got drunk and went to the Folk Fest afterparty together. Companionship, you’re so beautiful. In my dreams you’re clean. We’re nice to each other. We’re comfortable with each other. Very comfortable. Nothing else in the world matters except for you. But I think that maybe these dreams mean nothing about you, but instead you are the personification of my ideal girlfriend in my dream, which I guess means that atleast physically, you are.