I really wanted a cigarette today. I still sort of want one. I look inward to what is bothering me. What is causing me anxiety. I’m not talking about the nicotine withdwrawl. It’s harsh but it’s really not that harsh. What I think is harsher is the taste of cigarettes. The feeling in my mouth after smoking 5 in a row… dry, sore, stinky and numb. The shame of lighting up, the feeling of weakness. I think about when I did smoke how not having my pack nearby made me nervous and how when i woke up the first thing I would think about would be a cigarette. I think about how dominated my life was my cigarettes. Not to mention how expensive they are. All for what, so I voluntarily fuck myself up with chemicals that kill my cells and cause cancer and make it hard to breathe? These facts aren’t far fetched. I am just totally okay with suffering a little until this feeling of withdrawl goes away so that I can experience something much better – freedom from addiction.
Leave a Reply