It’s 7am and there’s an alarm clock somewhere else in the building that’s been going off for 20 minutes. during the week, when I am working this is when I get up, 6:45am. At work my 8. Done by 4pm. It’s a good way to spend half my waking day.
When I woke this morning I looked at the clock and read 6:30. It took me a while to remember what reality I was waking up in. I’m a really active lucid dreamer so adjusting to the real reality takes a bit. I got out of bed and on my feet and looked out my window at the morning mountains. The sun cut through a fog that was pushing in from the east and everything seemed to just be waking up. I then realized it was the morning and probably 6:30am in the morning, oh yeah and that I am working today cause yesterday was Sunday. I felt grateful that I had not slept through work and had to deal with the guilt of being irresponsible. At this point I really didn’t feel like going to work, I really didn’t feel like dealing with the day. I just wanted to throw in the towel. I find I am like this almost every morning when I wake up. I just don’t want to fucking bother. But here’ s the interesting part. As soon as I realize I am awake, I drop to my knees, literaly, and pray for the strength and willingness to be an active participant in my own life today. This morning I prayed to the sky cause it was a really beautiful post-sunrise. The sky is a hell of a lot bigger than me and it’s always there. But after I did this I immediately felt my fear of living lifted. I immediately felt determined to go to work and do my absolute best for my employer. I immediately felt awarded all the strength I needed to not just fuck it and go back to bed but to go and make a pot of coffee and get ready to start my day. Without this power to will myself to do good and useful things for myself I am positive I would not be able to do a quarter of the things I do on a daily basis.
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