I got internet in my apartment today. No more squatting in the first floor corridor sapping wireless from the occupants. I was kind of let down. I somehow build expectations without even trying to and I was a little pissed when I didn’t have 20 new emails or 15 people throwing shoutouts to me on MSN Messenger as soon as I logged on. ‘Did you hear? Nick’s online again! He got his internet hooked up!’ I can see it, people running from house to house up the block and children running to bring me gifts. These thoughts actually go through my head. To admit that is frightening. To experience it is ordinary.
I’m feasting on a big-ass bowl of strawberry-vanilla yogurt. Fuck, i love yogurt. Just remembered I have Harvest Crunch granola and in the fucking bowl it’s going. Having ready access to food made possible by a fridge and stove is a perk I never thought of when I thought of moving in to a one-bedroom apartment.
I looked at you and wondered what you were thinking about, if it was me. Then i smacked my brain upside the left hemisphere for even thinking that. I guess after your disproved enough times you should just stop assuming. Stop wondering. Stop asking.
And then there’s you. Has your boyfriend bored you yet? You called me, while you were cleaning your brother’s house just to see how I was doing. I don’t know. When you want to sleep over again let me know. I loved it. I loved being close to you and I don’t even need to know why. Maybe it was cause I proposed to you over MSN last year. Maybe it’s cause we got all that ego-clashing bullshit over and done with when we were together. Speaking of ego-clashing bullshit…
What the fuck was that? Oh yeah, shit you might be reading this. Well, I guess that was to be fully expected. I guess I just didn’t expect such a blunt reply. I forgot how much pain you must have gone through and how you still must hurt inside. I never meant to cause you hurt. I know that we will one day get along again. I know you and I have potential. We mix well. Not many people I would bother lying awake till 4am just talking with. Like, no one. So if you think that I walked all over you and curb stomped you when I was finished then think again. If you think you mean nothing to me, then think again. You mean a lot to me. I guess just a lot more to me than I was willing to let happen then. Eventually, over a long enough time span everything works out. I hope this section devoted to your unfriendly reply to my Friendster message doesn’t have the reverse effect it was intended to and motivate you to recede more. Cause I miss you. And that statement was not meant to be manipulative. Just the truth.
Working on a bunch of street stencils. Only put up a couple stencils in the last few months. It’s pathetic and I am rectifying.
Got the call. I’m working tomorrow. Fucking rights. I’ve been waiting for 10 fucking days to work. I get fucked in the head when I stew for that long. I need to get out of my fucking head for atleast 5 hours a day, like totally out and not thinking in here but living out there or else my self-analysis drives me nuts. Makes me wanna die. So thank god I’m building a house tommorow, and that I get to make a fuck load of money as well while I do it, oh and get ripped and tanned as well, as long as it doesn’t rain.
K, think i’m gonna barf fucking yogurt and granola now.
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