Yada yada, same old shit problems.
The one thing i’m looking forward to right now is my third floor view. Cause a view never hurt anybody, never asked for anything or stopped showing it’s view. Other than that, i really don’t know what kind of life i’m walking in to. I don’t know if I’m even gonna keep making art. I mean, i hope I do. But saying “I hope I do” sounds like saying “I hope I live a happy life and am rich and famous”. I am so procrastinating right now. Tomorrow I am renting a truck. A 16′ truck. The plan is to move all my shit, everything to my parent’s basement. Then, once I am cleared out of this shithole I can sort through my shit and decide what I can and want to fit in to my newly decreased living space. Going from a 6000 sq. ft. warehouse to a bachelor suite is gonna be a tight squeeze.
Oh, and I don’t hate my room mate anymore…. again. I think we’ll appreciate each other a lot more when we are not living together. I think this thing has been good for both of us but I think it’s run it’s course. He said in his blog I’m an asshole. Yup, probably am, infact if he says I am I’m certain he thinks I am, and in his eyes I am very much an asshole. I have huge difficulties with simply coping with life. It’s a struggle. I try my best and do not always succeed. I am okay with the fact that we are atleast talking to each other again and that I don’t feel like I need to avoid him like the plague. Plague of negativity and unadressed depression. Sorry, that was totally a knock. But I can totally accept that I am afflicted with the same plague often enough.
I need clarity. I need purpose. I need someone to love and be loved. Or maybe there’s one thing in my life that I’m neglecting that could fix all this shit.
I want to smoke so bad today. It’s taking everything in me to resist this obsession to smoke. And what i can see is that I alone don’t have the ability or the power to resist it.
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