Fucking hell. My brain is so chaotic lately. Everything is so difficult. Maximizing. I’m reading a book called “Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy”. I hope to overcome my ineffective mind which leads to my feelings of worthlessness and depression.
I just fucked it all up. Last week I was stressing over getting a new apartment and employment. Well, today Raymar realty called and I got the apartment that I looked at last week. So that’s good. That’s great. That means in a month I won’t be living in this fucking shit hole anymore. I will be free. I will have a view of the mountains and downtown from the top of Mount Pleasant. I will be living in a building with about 6 friends and AA aquaintances. For the first time since I was 17 I will be living alone. I’m thrilled. No more people stealing my food from my fridge. I will be able to cook my own meals, go to bed when I want to, do what I want to, see who I want to.
Here’s where I fucked it all up: Last wednesday I was panicking cause I was broke and realized a dire need for employment. Any employment. I asked Carl about working for him, in construction and he said “call me sunday night”. And it’s monday, 1pm and i just remembered that he told me to call him. FUCK. my one chance at getting employment and I fucked it up. I totally fucked it up. I mean, I hope he understands when I do call him tonight. But fuck, I feel like a douche and I havent even started working for the bloke yet.
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