What’s my drug of choice?

…And then I remembered…
“Oh yeah, this is the one place where you’re supposed to be honest. Those aren’t anyone else’s rules. Just yours. Of you lie to yourself here then you’ll regret it forever. And lying by omission is still lying. Actually it’s the worst kind of lie. Remember when you used to write in a journal, like a real paper and ink journal? Well, you used to write anything you wanted, for sake of capturing that moment forever. So that in 20 years you could look back on this moment and say “thank god I remember that moment”. Or you think about all the words in books you’ve read where you are appreciative of the fact that someone else had the balls and courage to write down honestly how they felt just as you thought no one else in the world has ever felt like you do now. We can either be honest or we can lie. But if you die tomorrow you’ll be fucking glad you were honest.”

Alice In Chains – Junkhead:
“What’s my drug of choice?
Well, what have you got?
I don’t go broke.
And I do it a lot.”

I want to get high. I may be clean, but right now, all day I’ve been wanting to get high. I’ve prayed. yada yada. But here’s the thing, the thing that is fucked about being a drug addict. When you want to get high, there’s not a fibre in your body that can stop you. It’s like you lose all ability to do anything to stop it from happening. It’s as if it’s what God wants you to do. You say he doesn’t want anyone to get high, but how do you know? Are you God?

It’s fucking bunk. Not being happy clean. And not on drugs, the only thing to take away the pain.