I’m listening to The Mars Volta. I rode my bmx around downtown today. I wasn’t as good as I was yesterday. When I go riding after a few days off I feel really solid and confident. Today my muscles felt a little weak but nonetheless I was impressed at the ease which manuals are coming. and my bunny hopping consistency is getting better. Next to learn is feeble grinds and 180 bunny hops.
Going to Amon Tobin tonight. I’m not going alone. I’m excited. He puts on amazing live shows. And I haven’t been to the commodore since last year.
It was such a fucking beautiful day today. I was at Canada Place, biking around, showing off for the American tourists offloading from one of the cruise ships. Another cruise ship was just leaving the harbour. All the passengers were on deck, wearing fluorescent orange life vests, receiving instructions on what to do when the ship sinks. I felt an urge to start yelling, “YOU’RE ALL GONNA FUCKING DIE! YOUR SHIP IS GONNA FUCKING SINK!” I don’t know why, but I did. Maybe I was jealous that all these old retired fucks, practically dead already are going on a cruise. They’re so senile that they probably won’t remember it a month from now. In a moment of reflection the world began to fall away. I felt as though I was falling back in to my head. Like the first visual distortion effects of a mushroom high. The ships horn pulled me from my visceral departure and I saw that I was in fact fine, but the ship was pulling away from the dock. Even knowing this, watching an object that fills your entire periphery slowly move away is a fucking trip.
I’ve been in really good spirits the last two days. I’ve gotten a shit load of work done. Important stuff – applying for jobs, emailing potential employers, getting stuff sorted for the party next weekend, etc.
Sometimes I wonder when the ball is gonna drop. When everything is gonna get fucked again. I guess I have this natural doom machine inside me that wants to self destruct, that takes comfort in it.
Weird. I was all stressing cause I’m broke ass. Then shit just kind of worked out… I found 30 bucks in my room that I had since the last party, random bills, like the ripped ones and an old twenty that I put aside for nostalgic reasons. So that allowed me to eat the last couple days. Then just now, this guy who parks his motorcycle in our studio just gave me 80 bucks for letting him do so. So… I’m happy about that. Some would say it’s a fucking god thing, but fuck that…. I don’t believe my supreme creator is that fucking cute. I dunno. I just like to think that it’s a happy coincidence. But even writing that, it sounds absurd. After so many “coincidences” you start to wonder.
A lot of people have told me they’ve seen her lately. When they tell me at first I act like an asshole, until i realize the only reason I’m acting like an asshole about her is cause of stupid reasons. In all actuality I miss her and am happy to hear that she is still around, no matter how grave the news that follows may be. I doubt she still reads my blog. Haven’t heard from her in a while. Anyway, she’s been showing up in my dreams a lot lately. We hang out and talk and things are nice. It’s nice to be with her in my dreams.
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