fuckingacidtrip

This week has been a fucking acid trip.
I stopped smoking last wednesday. When I wake up in the morning I will have a week off smoking… almost… aside from a cigar and two smokes, all of which were the direct result of the fucking assload of stress that three parties in one week naturally incur upon a human being. Check out the rationalization. Fuck yeah.

The first few days felt like an acid trip. I seriously was delerious and fucked up. Intense mood swings and abnormal reactions to things… I wanted to kill. I’ve dreamt of guns every night since I quit. Loud loud Nine Inch Nails assist with the withdrawal.

took two month chip last night. two months off fucking dope. yay. Saw briony the other day on Main Street. It was weird to see her. I didn’t even recognize her and it’s only been 6 weeks. I was happy she was alive. I wish she was well. I wish she could believe me. I wish she could believe these aren’t headgames. Just read my post “First time in 5 weeks” that I posted exactly a week before this occurance. Funny how a week later I actually ran in to you. I imagined what you went off to do after we ran in to each other. I wonder now if you imagined what it was I went off to do.

I do my step 5 this friday. I go to Idaho this weekend. I am madly trying to finish my step 4 before friday. I am relieved that my flatmate/wife told me not to worry about the cleanup from the party, that i should just worry about my step 4. What changed? I am curious as to what in him changed. I would have figured he would struggle to force me to clean the place, me all the while struggling the more to resist control. It was a relief to just be allowed the space to exercise free will.

I wonder if those cops actually revoked my BC Liquor Licencee. Hmm. I think that Irish cop was full of shit. 200 people in the alley. 400 people inside on a liquor license for 180. serving after 2am. noise complaints from the hotel up on Pender. And a grudge.