The past few days have felt like the prelude to an awesome summer. It was warm out tonight. I was just out riding and the streets were peaceful. The moon is almost full tonight. When I’m out at night I sometimes imagine that the moon is an eye that watches me. I take comfort in the consistency of it’s nightly appearance. The crackheads were making a scene at the McDonald’s drive-thru which was hosting walk through patrons this evening because the usual walk-thru window was closed. I watched one guy infront of me twitch spastically out of control and imagined what it must feel like to have no control over your muscle movements and balance.
I did not sleep at her house tonight, although she wanted me to. It felt good to feel wanted by someone. I looked in to her eyes and touched her hair and she tossed her head away smiling a bashful grin because she hates it when i look at her. She hates it when I look in to her soul and she looks in to mine and we dream a momentary dream in the space between our intwined bodies and clasped gaze. I did not sleep at her house tonight. I told her I had to return home and do some work. This was half true. I told her the rest of the truth, that I have a complex about sleeping over at her house. I have an fear that arrises when i sleep with anyone. I love falling asleep in her embrace, but I always awake to a nagging depression and feeling of guilt. Guilt of what, i don’t know. I guess I just never feel comfortable waking up with someone else in my bed.
I need to sleep now. Hallucinating paint splatters on the floor as cockroaches.
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